I woke up feeling ready for a change, a positive one. I've come to learn through my past experiences that there are two kinds of pains, one that hurts and one that changes you. Last year was probably one of the toughest, I lost two people whom I adored and meant so much to me in a short course of only two months. Larry, my partner in life, decided that he could no longer continue to postpone the inevitable. Our relationship was falling apart, my selfishness and lack of effort took a toll on him so he let me go. I left that relationship with a feeling of emptiness and full of regrets. My uncle, whom I loved dearly, lost his life to a vicious addiction. I was resentful and pained. What else could possibly go wrong? Was god punishing me? Hasn't it been enough? I figured god had a purpose for me and eventually I would find it. Months went by and the hopes that Larry and I would reconcile were fading. I decided that it was time to start living again, I enrolled in summer school and started going to the gym to busy myself. A couple of months later I met someone, my complete opposite, but it worked. We got along great and for a moment I was happy. He introduced me to his church and I loved it. Every service that I attended I learned more about myself and my purpose. All the suffering that I had endured would indeed be over but it was up to god to decide when I've had enough. I became healed, but realized that this person whom I was now with wasn't for me, he was just put in my path so that I could learn the lessons that god wanted to teach me. I learned to take care of my partner and put him first, I learned honesty and loyalty, and most importantly I learned to have faith. I left that relationship knowing that I was capable of being happy but only with the right person and I wouldn't settle just for the sake of companionship. It was probably only a month after I left that relationship that I knew why I went through everything I did, god was making me a better person for Larry. We found our way back to each other, this time around things would be different, and they are. I don't take a minute spent with him for granted, I love him hard and every morning that I wake up next to him I thank god for second chances.We are now happily engaged to be married and I'm glad to say that if I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't. There's reason behind everything, I truly believe that. There are times when the past is present in my mind and I start to feel undeserving of Larry's affection and start to fear that he'll leave me again but I have to remind myself that I do deserve him and that I am not the person I was last year. Learning to let go of our mistakes and failures is essential, I declare that I am ready to let it go...I'm pressing forward.
"If you're going to keep moving forward, you've got to have strong will. Rise up and say "That's it. I am not holding on to these disappointments. I know what's in my future is greater than what's In my past so I am pressing forward in life."
- Joel Osteen
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| Lucerne Valley |
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