About That Dream...

"Babe what's wrong? Babe wake up," Larry said to me as he shook me to wake me from my hellish nightmare. It was 2:56 this morning when I woke up with tears in my eyes, the thought alone of losing someone so dear to your heart is heartbreaking. I never really remember my dreams and it's pretty rare when I have bad ones but this one was so vivid. I dreamt that Larry told me he had been diagnosed with cancer and had only 4 months to live. The news of the cancer hit me like a thousand knives stabbing my heart. My younger sister sat beside me while Larry when to refill his drink, we must've been at a diner or something. I had a blank stare, looked at my sister and asked, "what am I supposed to do without him?" She, with tears in her eyes said, "you have to keep living." Larry came back and again I asked, " What am I going to do without you?" He was calm, I think inside he felt as scared and sad as I did but did a good job of disguising his emotions. "I'll live through you," he said. "What about your birthdays, how will I even get through that? what will happen to me? our home? how can I live after losing you?" Larry placed my hands in his and said "Every October when my birthday comes around just raise awareness for cancer, October is Cancer awareness month." I wept and wept and wept and soon enough I felt Larry shaking me so that I could wake up. I cried and I held him and he told me it was just a dream. If there's one thing I learned after that dream is that I love that man more than anything in this world and that you must live and love so immensely that when death does indeed come, there is nothing left for him to take.

A Winter Wonderland

Happy Friday and Happy New Year! It's been a while so I thought I'd check in with you all. If you follow me on the gram or FB you have probably already come across all of the wonderful pictures from my 2 week road trip across Arizona but for those of you that haven't, I'll fill you in. On the 19th of December we headed to Sahuarita, Arizona, we have friends there so we popped in to visit for a few days. Larry got to catch up with his best bud and we had a wonderful time visiting the little western town of Tombstone. If you didn't already know, I'm a huge fan of that movie...I even named my stuffed monkey Wyatt as in Wyatt Earp...lol. After spending 4 nights in the southern tip of the zona we headed north for Sedona. We arrived to Red Rock country on Tuesday afternoon, we had an amazing view from our patio that made me want to move there (but on second thought 3 nights there was enough). We spent Christmas there, just Larry and I...it was definitely different but a nice change. On Christmas day we hiked Devil's Bridge, a pretty steep hike but amazing views all around. Luckily we reached the Bridge when we did because on our way back it started snowing. After our three nights in Sedona we headed to Flagstaff, let's just say this was my least favorite part of the trip. We spent 4 days there, if you've ever been to Flagstaff you know how boring this city is. We occupied our time by visiting the Lowell Observatory, The Meteor Crater, The petrified Forest, the town of Williams, and we even have a movie and dinner date. Those must've been the four longest days of my life, luckily I was in good company. On Tuesday, December 30th it was finally time to head out to the Grand Canyon. We would be there for 3 nights including new years. We arrived and I swear in my entire 27 years on earth have I seen anything more beautiful than the Grand Canyon. It was a clear, sunny day when we arrived but later heard the news of a snow storm coming so we had to cancel our plans to hike the canyon. New years eve we woke up to a winter wonderland, it was a cool 16 degrees and completely white out. I felt like a kid waking up on Christmas day, I'd never been anywhere where it was actually snowing. The excitement soon diminished when we had to walk to the shuttle stop if we wanted to go anywhere, and we needed to eat. Snow and all, my experience at the Grand Canyon was positive, I felt a sense of gratitude and felt overwhelmingly at ease. I'd never felt so small, nature is indeed powerful and mysterious in wonderful ways. My hubby and I spent our new years in our room drinking vodka tonic after a very nice steak and lobster dinner at El Tovar. We checked out on Friday, January 2nd and headed to Sin City for end our road trip with a bang! A bunch of our friends were already out there. My buddy Kyle decided it was a good idea to ride Vespas over to Ceasar's Palace to get some bloody Mary's....(I mean, when are bloody mary's ever a bad idea). With a motorized scooter, a no helmet law and alcohol involved, something bad was bound to happen. I had a street and dirt bike before so I knew a Vespa was no biggie, I was more afraid of the Vegas strip traffic we had to cross in order to get to my prized bloody mary. Made it to Serendipity 3 and literally inhaled 2 bloody marys (with sriracha and jalapeno infused vodka, can you say YUM!) on our way back to the timeshare, I followed Kyle as we rode through traffic and made it safely to the parking lot of the place we were staying...that last turn though, I ate it on the very last turn! lol landed on my hip and got some pretty gnarly road rash on my elbow and a couple of bruises on my knees. I was just glad it happened there and not on the strip. I had survived the Vespa ride and even wore a dress that night, putting my bruises and bloody elbow on display....all for the sake of a good and final night out. The next day we headed home, boy was it nice to be home. I definitely enjoyed my time off, a great way to say goodbye to 2014. Ready to see what kind of crazy adventures this year will bring.

Pressing Forward

Good morning all,
I woke up feeling ready for a change, a positive one. I've come to learn through my past experiences that there are two kinds of pains, one that hurts and one that changes you. Last year was probably one of the toughest, I lost two people whom I adored and meant so much to me in a short course of only two months. Larry, my partner in life, decided that he could no longer continue to postpone the inevitable. Our relationship was falling apart, my selfishness and lack of effort took a toll on him so he let me go. I left that relationship with a feeling of emptiness and full of regrets. My uncle, whom I loved dearly, lost his life to a vicious addiction. I was resentful and pained. What else could possibly go wrong? Was god punishing me? Hasn't it been enough? I figured god had a purpose for me and eventually I would find it. Months went by and the hopes that Larry and I would reconcile were fading. I decided that it was time to start living again, I enrolled in summer school and started going to the gym to busy myself. A couple of months later I met someone, my complete opposite, but it worked. We got along great and for a moment I was happy. He introduced me to his church and I loved it. Every service that I attended I learned more about myself and my purpose. All the suffering that I had endured would indeed be over but it was up to god to decide when I've had enough. I became healed, but realized that this person whom I was now with wasn't for me, he was just put in my path so that I could learn the lessons that god wanted to teach me. I learned to take care of my partner and put him first, I learned honesty and loyalty, and most importantly I learned to have faith. I left that relationship knowing that I was capable of being happy but only with the right person and I wouldn't settle just for the sake of companionship. It was probably only a month after I left that relationship that I knew why I went through everything I did, god was making me a better person for Larry. We found our way back to each other, this time around things would be different, and they are. I don't take a minute spent with him for granted, I love him hard and every morning that I wake up next to him I thank god for second chances.We are now happily engaged to be married and I'm glad to say that if I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't. There's reason behind everything, I truly believe that. There are times when the past is present in my mind and I start to feel undeserving of Larry's affection and start to fear that he'll leave me again but I have to remind myself that I do deserve him and that I am not the person I was last year. Learning to let go of our mistakes and failures is essential, I declare that I am ready to let it go...I'm pressing forward.

"If you're going to keep moving forward, you've got to have strong will. Rise up and say "That's it. I am not holding on to these disappointments. I know what's in my future is greater than what's In my past so I am pressing forward in life."

- Joel Osteen

Lucerne Valley

A Slave to the Mirror

Hey ya'll, happy Tuesday! Since the past couple of posts have been about Larry and my love story I wanted to change it up a bit and write about something that we all can relate to. I'm not sure how long you all take to get ready every morning, I know I take at least an hour to straighten my hair and apply my make-up and I'd like to think I keep it pretty basic. A couple of nights ago Larry and I had a conversation about me making an effort to reduce the time it takes for me to get ready every day. I realized that every weekend we bicker because he's ready to go and I'm still sitting in front of a mirror putting on my face. I hate being rushed and he hates waiting! Men get up and they are automatically ready (no fair) but us girls we like to take our time and make sure we look good so that we can feel good in return, problem is we think we NEED to do these things to look pretty or feel confident. Larry loves when my face is bare and my hair is big and wavy...me, not so much. I call it a habit while Larry calls it vanity and he may just be right....I've got to admit though, I despise having to do these things every day and my skin thanks me every time I wash my face at the end of the day. I have clear skin so in reality I really don't wear make up to hide anything, I guess this has just been my routine for so long (since 16) that I'm somewhat afraid of change. Will people think I look weird? haha who really cares? Caring what people think has cost me 4,015 hours of my life and it'll cost me another 13,870 if I plan on sticking to my routine till I retire at 65. I promised Larry that I would, little by little, break my habit and make the change so that eventually I can feel comfortable enough to walk out the door without having to alter my appearance with products that aren't even good for my skin to begin with. It's not going to happen overnight of course..first, I plan on starting a skin care routine to even out my skin and moisturize it so that I can have that healthy glow. If you guys have any suggestions I'd love your input. Second, I will grow my eyebrows out enough so that I no longer have to shade them in and finally, I will work on getting my natural wavy hair as healthy as I can so that I no longer feel the need to straighten it. I'm actually kind of pumped to do this. Compromise is a huge factor in maintaining a healthy marriage/relationship, remember that!

Holy Crap, I'm Getting Married!

THE PROPOSAL:

Halloween Trip 2014 (October 24th 2014), Ocotillo Wells. Same Place where we met almost 5 years earlier. We were camping with a large group of friends, my parents were out there that same weekend as well camping with their usual crowd. Larry really wanted to go on a night ride and it was getting late; he insisted on getting everyone to go on a ride but everyone at camp had already been drinking and had no plans of riding so Larry and I went to go grab my parents and go for a ride. We parked on top of Shell Reef, a hill that overlooks the entire desert. It's kind of magical, pitch black and tons of stars light up the night sky. We sat there and talked for a while about the stars and the milky way of all things. There's just something about being up there that is so soothing and peaceful, it's amazing up there at night.

The only picture we took that night

When I started feeling a little tired I suggested we head back to camp and "GO TO BED" (it's kind of an inside joke if you know Larry you know what I mean) I got up and turned around to dust myself off then suddenly I heard Larry say "I'm really glad you guys came on this ride with us because I have something really important to ask your daughter" I turned around stunned to find Larry on one knee and without thinking said "stop playing get up" and that's when it happened, Larry pulled out a beautiful rose gold diamond ring and asked me to marry him. I don't think I even responded to his question when I found myself on my knees crying, shaking and hugging him. In fact I know I didn't respond because Larry proceeded to ask me again and this time I said yes!
We went back to our camp where we celebrated with friends who had no idea of what had just occurred but happened to be lighting fireworks just as we arrived. It was perfect.
A while back I remember telling Larry, "when you propose make sure my hair and nails are done! and make sure someone takes pictures of it happening." Some girls dream about this moment, I always asked myself "how would I react, what would I do or say? will I cry?" Well if you're one of those girls then you can pretty much throw that all out the window because when it happens nothing else will matter, you can never prepare yourself for the rush of emotions you'll feel at that very moment. It's amazing, it was perfect...no make-up, no pictures, just him and I.

The Sand

I like to tell this story because it still gives me butterflies whenever I think about it. Larry asked me on our first official date and asked that I leave the planning up to him. I was to come see him in San Clemente where he lived, and spend the day with him. I arrived at his place on Calle Mirador around late afternoon, his studio apartment was impeccable, it overlooked the city and had a little peek-a-boo view of the ocean. It was absolutely breathtaking out there. First we grabbed a couple of beers and coozies and walked down to the beach which was a block away, there we talked and got to know each other a little better. After walking back home we jumped in his truck and he took me around the city, we had a few cocktails at Fisherman's on the pier  then headed to trestles where he surfed. At trestles we ran into his friend that gave him my number, can you say embarrassing!! It was all good Tony was a great guy and later became a real close friend of ours along with his beautiful wife Makiko.  The third stop on our date was Beachfire restaurant, it was dim and they had live music playing. I can still remember what we had for dinner, we sat there and had a couple of cocktails then headed to the pier to walk off our dinner. Afterwards we went back to his place where we talked for hours, for the first time in years I felt shy and nervous. I couldn't look at him in the eye and even more after he confessed he wanted to kiss me (I thought it was kind of nice that he told me instead of just going for it) and I totally got stuck and just nervously giggled. I must've made him feel weird or something because he didn't kiss me. When it was time for me to go home he walked me to my car, I said thank you and gave him a hug and again we stood there awkwardly waiting for each other to make a move. We smiled and both went for it, it was amazing and I'll never forget our first kiss. I couldn't get enough of him, he was perfect and I finally felt happy again. I found my prince charming and I had no plans of letting him go.

The Dirt





Ocotillo, Easter 2010

Easter Weekend 2010 at Ocotillo Wells. I was out there with my parents; we go out there every major holiday. Larry had the same ritual with his friends and happened to be out there that same weekend. Coincidentally one of his co-workers knew my stepdad who happened to be camping with us. Larry went to our camp and joined in on a long ride; I recall "dream truck (#1)" getting stuck in tight spots that sandrails had no trouble clearing and so many times we had to stop and sit in the scorching heat while the guys dug out Larry's tires in order to pull him out. I was pretty annoyed to say the least, that is until I saw him, this tall, tattooed Bro come out of his truck (I don't even like bros) but there he was, rugged and dirty and I was totally digging it. Eventually we made it back to camp, I decided to take a nap and when I woke "dream guy" was gone. Luckily for me, Larry's friend was still around so my sister decided to play cupid for me and gave his friend my number for Larry. I remember sitting in the room wondering if he'd ever get the number or even know who the hell I was. He texted me the next day and we set up a mini date just so we could meet. I was a little nervous about the whole deal since I was fresh out of a relationship and had never really done anything like this. I found myself making excuses before I even met him, I remember telling my sisters "but what if he's cockeyed? I only saw him with his glasses!" haha There was no way out, it was time to go. We met up at a Chili's in Buena Park, I don't know why I was so nervous...he was perfect! We had so much in common and now the only place I didn't want to go was home. At the end of the night he followed me home and walked me to my door...we kind of stood there awkwardly, I'm thinking we both were waiting for the kiss but neither of us had the guts to make the move. I was seeing stars that night, there was something about him...and so it began.